


We can't stop this, though we've tried—You'll always be my white rabbit.

by HalloweenBaby1031



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Break Up, Broken Heart, Dark Thoughts, F/F, Heartbreak, Kara Danvers isn't Supergirl, Kind of Happy ending?, Kind of heavy, Pain, Pining, Sad Kara Danvers, Sad Lena Luthor, Smut, bad habits, delany jane, lena broke karas heart, mean lena luthor, small amount of fluff, this is angsty as hell, this is my brain, this is pretty rough, this song fueled my brain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22920259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalloweenBaby1031/pseuds/HalloweenBaby1031
Summary: Lena loves Kara, more than anything in the world. But she just can't seem to let herself be happy. She is a Luthor after all and Luthor's don't get happy endings. She's Dark and Kara is Light. What else is there to say.AU based on a song I couldn't get out of my head.Bad Habits - Delaney Jane
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	We can't stop this, though we've tried—You'll always be my white rabbit.

**Author's Note:**

> So. Hello. Welcome. 
> 
> This has been a work in progress for so long. Like Looooooong. But it's done and its here and its probably not very good because hey! anxiety got me like that.  
> ANYWAY. Thank you to my favorite people for putting up with my jumbled brain, and giving me confidence. Thank you--y'all know who you are-- for editing this dumpster fire. I appreciate it more than you know! The last little bit of this isnt edited because I didnt want to bother anyone and its been so long in the making I just wanted to be done with it so sorry if its a little messy!
> 
> I made a playlist titled SuperCorp on spotify, you can find my stuff under Halloweenbaby1031 if you wanna see what other songs get stuck in my head.  
> Leave me a comment! or say Hi! 
> 
> Happy Reading

_**Bad Habits** _

Some say we only find love once in a lifetime—not the love you find in high school or the love you have for your parents. No. True love, the kind of love that makes your heart stop, the kind that takes your breath away. And when you are with that person, the world just slows down and the only thing you can see is them. It’s an addiction, being with that person makes everything better—they are the drug that you can’t get enough of.

**_♕ Let's go down the rabbit hole. Steal a kiss and in we fall ♕_ **

Kara sat in her apartment; legs tucked beneath her as she sat on the couch a heavy blanket draped over her thighs. She was staring into her mug of hot cocoa, which was really more marshmallow than hot cocoa. She held the warm porcelain in her palms as she felt the emptiness stir in her chest. That was all she felt these days. The younger Danvers was a shell of the person she used to be. She tried to be the old Kara, the bubbly, outgoing, positive ray of sunshine that everyone knew her to be, but it was difficult when she was broken so badly. The blonde wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to piece everything back together.

Kara tried her best to think of the good memories to ease the pain. She tried to remember the joy of seeing the beautiful raven-haired woman, hearing her laugh, and being curled up against creamy pale skin. The blonde recalled nights spent on the beach in Midvale naming the constellations, countless days of playing hooky, and hiding away in Lena’s massive penthouse with Chinese take-out boxes scattered around them while Kara insisted, they watch all the original Disney movies together. Kara loved the simple mornings when she tucked her head neatly under Lena’s chin as they woke up together with their limbs tangled and hearts beating in sync.

A year had passed since the last time they spoke, a heated confrontation that left both parties even more damaged than before. Lena had walked away without as much of an ounce of remorse, taking Kara’s whole heart with her. Still, there was no doubt in Kara’s mind that Lena Luthor was the only person who could fill the emptiness. She was _her_ person. No matter how hard the Luthor tried pushing Kara away, they always seemed to find a way back to each other.   
  
Kara let a sigh fall from her lips as she leaned over to set the mug on the coffee table. She couldn’t understand what made everything go sideways. All Lena ever said was they were wrong for each other but when she was with the Luthor everything just felt right. As cliché as that sounded, it was the truth. It was like Lena was the final piece to Kara’s puzzle. She felt incomplete without the brunette and the hole in her chest ached with the reminder every day.

Times had been worse before. She had been in a much darker state of mind after the infamous break up—even darker still after Lena showed up in National City and ambushed her at Noonan’s—but each day was still a struggle. Kara was thankful for some time off. She was never one to take a sick day, but this week brought up old feelings that she couldn’t deal with and she needed it to sulk and cry.  
  
Kara rested her cheek against the tops of her knees and closed her eyes for a moment, her mind drifting to the first time she laid eyes on Lena Luthor. 

| _Some Time Ago_ |

  
Kara was fidgeting with the frames of her glasses, trying to decide whether she should keep them on or opt for her contacts, which she usually saved for special occasions. She finally chose the latter, deciding that her eyes really popped with the deep midnight purple suit she was wearing. She buttoned the blazer at her midsection and smoothed the black fitted V-neck she wore underneath. After giving herself a nod of approval, she turned from the mirror to see how her sister was doing.   
  


Alex was puttering around their hotel room getting herself ready in her matching navy-blue suit, grumbling as she did. The elder Danvers was not at all happy that she had been selected to go to the tech conference in Metropolis. She would much rather be back in National City, nose deep in some murder case. But because she was one of the best detectives in the NCPD, Captain Henshaw had chosen her to represent the 13th Precinct and scout for new tech. Lucky for Kara, who was off school for spring break, the conference turned into a Danvers sister mini-vacay.

  
The two had spent the day moving from booth to booth, checking out the advancements in non-lethal weapons and some pretty impressive upgrades to coms and body cams. Luthor Corp—who were the gracious hosts—was one of the companies with the coolest and most advanced equipment. After a day filled with playing around with complex gadgets everyone was expected to attend the evening gala where there would be keynote speakers and different companies trying to show off more of their tech and entice people to buy. 

  
Kara was most excited about the five-course meal that they would be served at the gala, her stomach already beginning to growl at the thought. The blonde slid her hands into her pockets and tilted her head to the side as she watched her sister huff and puff around their room.   
  
“It’s really not going to be that bad Alex,” Kara said.   
  
Another huff and small snort left the auburn-haired woman’s lips as she stood in front of the mirror and applied her eyeliner. “I hate dressing up. It’s so stuffy.”   
  
Kara rolled her eyes and gave her sister a playful shove towards the door. “If you make me miss those fancy little appetizers, I swear I will beat you up!”   
  
Alex laughed and grabbed her small clutch and mumbled _as if that could ever happen_ under her breath while the sisters made their way down to the large ballroom in the hotel. The whole room was done up beautifully with crystal chandeliers and silver accents lining the walls. It was stunning, and Kara had never been to a dinner of this stature. Everyone was wearing something designer; dresses or suits that must have cost a year’s worth of Kara’s tuition. It was as if they were expecting the president to show up. Kara smoothed her hands down her blazer and swallowed nervously. This was her best suit, but it was nothing compared to what other people were wearing. Alex gave her a reassuring smile as they made their way to their assigned table and sat down, the first of the many speakers was just walking onto the stage.   
  


Although the food was delicious, Kara was severely disappointed in the portion sizes. The fourth speaker who kept going on and on about his boring technology that organized files was not helping her mood at all. The blonde ‘hmphed’ and crossed her arms. Kara was getting impatient, unfolding and re-folding her napkin and then alternating between crossing one leg over her knee. When she finally couldn’t take it any longer, she whispered to Alex – who was overly enthralled in the speaker – that she was going to the bar. 

  
At least alcohol would make this slightly more palatable, or so she hoped. Kara slunk over to the bar and slid onto one of the high bar stools. She ordered a Stella Artois and gratefully nibbled on a fancy array of pretzels in the bowl in front of her. She was on her third beer and more than halfway through the bowl of pretzels when she saw her. 

She was gracefully leaning against the marble top of the bar, a martini with olives being slid her way. The woman was _stunning,_ and Kara had a hard time focusing on anything else but her, especially with the current amount of alcohol swirling around her brain. She was curvy, but lean at the same time, filling out that deep maroon dress perfectly. The neckline dipped to about her navel and her shoulders and collar bones were on full display, her raven hair tied up in an intense up-do high on the crown of her head; the ends of her hair just brushing below her shoulder blades. The dress stopped just above the knee and all Kara could focus on was the creamy porcelain skin on display. The brunette looked oddly familiar, but Kara couldn’t place her. The alcohol fuzzying her system was not helping, and the blonde knew she should look away before she was caught staring but she didn’t have it in her to stop. And right on cue--because the universe hated her--the woman turned and looked directly at her. 

  
Crimson immediately filled Kara’s cheeks as she was met head on with the most magnificent pair of green eyes. They were a deep jade, and even in the low light Kara could see the small flecks of gold that stood out. The breath left Kara’s lungs in a whoosh; her heart pounding so hard inside her ears that she was almost deafened by the sound. She saw a small amount of pink flood porcelain cheeks and the tiniest hint of a smile playing on those dark red lips. Kara’s body felt like it was on fire and it only intensified as the woman made her way down the bar to stand beside Kara. The blonde blinked slightly at the stunning woman next to her, her hand gripped tightly around her pint, the muscles in her neck straining as she swallowed nervously.   
  
“Forced to attend this stupid tech gala as well huh?”  
  
Kara couldn’t answer at first, her brain was blank—because what where were words? There was no witty comment or any sort of sentence that she could put together because she was flabbergasted that this beautiful woman was giving her any attention. The brunette was so close, she could smell the expensive perfume the woman wore. Kara ran her fingers through her blonde curls and tried to twist her lips into some sort of a charming smile.   
  
“Is it that obvious that I don’t belong?” she answered lamely, giving herself a mental face palm.   
  
The woman gave a small chuckle as her fingers spun the skewered olive that came with her martini. “I just figured you were trying to numb your brain with alcohol like me.”

Kara shifted on the stool to face the stranger. She lifted her half empty pint before downing the rest of the bubbly liquid and pushed the glass away from her. She licked her lips softly and offered her hand out towards the raven-haired woman.

“Kara Danvers, and yes, definitely trying to numb my brain. If I have to hear anything more about the organization of case files, I might go postal.”

A melodic laugh passed from dark red lips a smile tugging at the corners, “Lena Luthor. Believe me, I am with you on that.”

Kara’s jaw dropped as she stared into green eyes. _Lena Luthor._ She was talking to Lena Luthor! The genius tech goddess who had multiple Bachelor’s degrees under her belt and was now pursuing a second Master’s in Chemistry to go along with her Master’s in Biology. Kara had thought the brunette had looked familiar. She had written stories and blog posts about Luthor Corp and their advancements in curing cancer and other diseases.

Lena’s face fell slightly at Kara’s reaction and looked down at her drink.

“I guess I shouldn’t have told you my name. You would think I would have learned by now that the Luthor name garners that sort of reaction.” Lena slipped her hand around her martini glass and straightened her shoulders.

Kara quickly schooled her features, her jaw snapping shut with an audible click. “Hey, no I’m sorry. I’m sure you get this all the time. It’s just… you’re _The_ Lena Luthor _._ I’ve written a bunch of blog posts about your family’s company, and I’ve written a ton of mock articles for my classes! I’m just a huge fan.” She blushed rubbing the back of her neck. “And you know… your pictures in articles don’t do you any justice. You’re stunning.”

Another wave of crimson crawled up Kara’s chest and filled her cheeks as she laughed nervously, pulling her eyes away from the green depths of Lena’s gaze. She lifted her hand to the bartender, signalling for another beer and mentally scolded herself for being such a damn nerd. _You really are something Danvers. She probably thinks you are some sort of stalker fan._

The bartender swapped out her empty glass for a full one and she took a heavy gulp before taking a peak at the genius woman that stood beside her. Lena looked mildly surprised, her perfectly manicured brows lifting ever so slightly as she took in the blonde’s words.

“Well… I can’t say I have ever met a fan of a Luthor, I am flattered I assure you.” Her fingertips skated around the wide rim of her martini glass as a small blush filled her cheeks, which just made her look even more magnificent. “You mentioned you wrote articles for your schooling, what are you studying?”

“I’m studying journalism! I know, lame right?” A nervous laugh escaped Kara’s lips as she ran her fingers through her blonde locks, taking another hefty swig of alcohol. Her brain was getting fuzzier by the second and Kara could feel her inhibitions slipping further and further. “I’ve always wanted to change the world with writing and to make sure that minority voices are heard as well.”

The blonde flashed a small smile before looking down at her glass, feeling embarrassed. Lena was one of the world’s most brilliant minds and she was a small-town girl who dreamed of making a difference through words. Kara’s features fell. She felt insignificant and, in all honesty, incomparable to the goddess beside her.

A small gasp escaped Kara’s lips when she felt Lena’s touch sear against her skin. Ocean blue eyes locked with breathtaking jade and Kara felt like the world melted away, leaving just the two of them at that bar. Lena’s thumb traced small circles on her skin, and it took everything in the blonde’s power not to twist her hand and lace their fingers together tightly.

“It’s not lame, I think it’s amazing. Not everyone can bring a voice to those who cannot speak for themselves. I’ve never read your work, but I have no doubt that you will become a brilliant journalist, Lena said with a shy smile.

Kara felt like she could just explode. Lena’s hand still rested against the blonde’s wrist and it was sending bolts of lightning under her skin. Kara finished off the rest of her beer, gathering as much liquid courage as she could before placing her hand over the pale slender fingers on her wrist. She offered a small smile when green eyes landed on her once more.

“Thank you, Lena. You really don’t know how much that means to me coming from you.”

Lena’s eyes were bright, and a small glimmer of stark white teeth flashed as the corner of her lips lifted, her cheeks deepening in colour. Kara wondered if Lena was feeling the same weird magnetic pull as she was. Her brain was screaming at her to just kiss the girl.

The two sat in a comfortable silence just watching each other’s eyes. Suddenly a burly, overly intoxicated man came stumbling to the bar. He bumbled up to the bar and knocked into Kara’s stool, all but shoving her towards Lena. The brunette couldn’t react in time and was unable to brace herself properly as the blonde came hurtling towards her. Kara’s face morphed into shock as she flailed her arm out to brace herself against the bar while the other arm wrapped around Lena’s slim waist. Kara pulled the brunette against her body, her grip like steel against the bar top. The sudden jolt and the blonde’s reaction brought the two flush against one another, their faces inches apart. Their noses brushed together, and they were sharing the same air. Jade met ocean blue and a spark of hunger ignited in both pairs of eyes.

Lena’s breath hitched in her throat, her eyes flickered down to soft plump lips, and the arm around her waist tightened. Kara couldn’t find the strength to loosen her hold. The world around them seemed to slow to a stop, fading away to nothing as the intensity boiled between them.

“Do you want get out of here?” The brunette’s voice was nothing but a heated whisper.

Kara couldn’t form any sort of semblance of a sentence. She gave a stiff nod and that was enough for Lena. They righted themselves and Lena slipped her hand into Kara’s, tugging her away from the bar and out of the large ballroom. The elevator doors couldn’t open fast enough for Kara, who had this heat in her lower belly that needed to be addressed ASAP. Finally, the metal flashed open and they plowed into the lift. All the heat radiating off of Kara filled the small confined space, and Lena was clearly affected if the way she was staring at the blonde was any indication. Her pupils had dilated, the hunger and need swimming within the dark pools.

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, and Kara couldn’t hold herself back any longer. She lunged for the brunette, her hands finding purchase against the softness of Lena’s cheeks as their lips crashed together. All her inhibitions and better judgments had been thrown out the window with the mixture of need and alcohol. The kiss was messy and all consuming as Kara pushed the brunette against the side of the lift, her hips pinning her there. A small moan slipped from Lena’s lips and her fingers laced through blonde locks, pulling the blonde’s face closer to her own.

When the metal doors opened to the penthouse suite, Lena untangled her fingers from soft blonde hair and began pushing back against the blonde. She led Kara into the main hallway and slid her fingers up the blonde’s solid frame of the blonde. The pads of her fingers brushed against the bare skin that peeked out from the V-neck shirt she wore. She brushed over the blonde’s breasts before shoving her hands over strong shoulders and pushing the soft blazer down. The garment hit the floor as Kara pulled her lips away to gasp for a much-needed breath. The blonde began to trail her lips down creamy pale skin, nipping and sucking small marks along Lena’s throat while her hands wandered along luscious curves. Kara heard Lena’s hiss through clenched teeth as they stumbled through the large suite. Pieces of Kara’s clothing hit the floor as they made their way to the master bedroom. The blonde fumbled with the zipper of Lena’s dress, her hands were shaking from nerves, making it snag on fabric.

“Just rip it! _”_ Lena growled as she worked the button of Kara’s dress pants.

The blonde floundered, pulling her lips back to bring their faces close once more. Hesitation lay plain on her face. The material was designer for sure and must have cost a pretty penny. “But–"

_“_ Fuck, Kara please... just do it. I can afford a new dress,” Lena begged, finally working the button free to pull the dress pants off tanned hips.

Kara didn’t need any more convincing. She took the expensive material in her hands and tugged at it, splitting the zipper and the seam right down the middle. She let the material fall in shreds at Lena’s feet and shuffled their bodies towards the bed until Lena’s knees hit the edge of the bedframe. The same hands slipped down smooth curves until they hooked under Lena’s thighs, picking the brunette up. Their lips found each other once more and they fell onto the soft sheets together.

Kara looked down at Lena to make sure that this is what she wanted. No matter how much her body was calling to the brunette, she wanted the okay to keep going. Lena looked up at her, cheeks flushed a beautiful crimson as she lay half naked under tanned skin and strong arms. She took a moment to admire Kara, green eyes tracing the smooth yet firm set of her jaw, the taut tendons in the blonde’s neck that flexed when she swallowed nervously. Her eyes continued their journey to the perfect set of perky breasts that rose and fell in a frantic rhythm that matched Kara’s heaving chest.

Nervousness settled in the blonde’s bones as she watched green eyes roam over her body, a sudden overwhelming feeling of self-consciousness sending her brain into a frenzy of doubt. Lena lifted her pale hand to cup the blonde’s cheek and then traced down her lipstick smudged lips. Kara pursed her lips, kissing the gentle fingers until they were gone all too soon, leaving fire in their wake as she felt Lena trace a path down the smooth curve of her neck, to her collar bones, and then the middle of her chest between her breasts.

“You’re beautiful, Kara,” Lena whispered in awe.

Their eyes locked together in an intense gaze before Kara leaned into the brunette and brought their lips together for a slower, much sweeter kiss. She only pulled away to trail her lips down the brunette’s neck, kissing over every one of the now darkening marks she had left before soothing the burning skin with her tongue. Lips trailed further along Lena’s chest, teeth gently grazing over her collar bone before lapping her tongue against the brunette’s sternum. The brunette’s skin was alight, burning with a need that only this blonde goddess could provide.

Lena arched her chest, a slight impatience settling over her at the pace Kara had set. The blonde shifted her weight and slipped her hand behind Lena’s back, skilled fingers popping open the clasp of the brunette’s bra. She bit against the fabric, tugging on it with her teeth until it had been freed from Lena’s body, tossing it haphazardly over her shoulder. Lena’s breasts were pure perfection, soft pink nipples dusted her skin. They stood at attention, begging for lips to lavish them. Kara ghosted her lips over Lena’s breasts, which only caused the brunette to arch her back higher, a small whimper leaving her lips.

Finally, having teased the squirming brunette that lay under her enough, her lips latched onto her stiff nipple, pulling the soft bud into her mouth. Her tongue wrapped around it tightly, flicking against the sensitive nub. She slid her thigh between Lena’s legs and pressed it against her heated core, both of them gasping at the sudden contact. The soft silk of Lena’s underwear was soaked and sticky leaving a slight smear against Kara’s exposed thigh. Lena’s hands flew into blonde hair, gripping tightly as she felt an overload of sensation run through her body. Kara released the stiff nipple with a wet pop, trailing her sloppy kisses across to the neglected nipple, pulling it quickly between her lips. Her hand trailed down Lena’s stomach until her fingers brushed against the waistband of her underwear.

Lena cried out under her as she squirmed and bucked her hips against Kara’s thigh, smearing more of her arousal on tanned skin. A grin spread across the blonde’s lips, which were still wrapped tightly around an aching nipple, her fingers slipping beneath silk and finally dipping into delicious wetness. Kara let out a needy moan against Lena’s breast as she felt just how wet the brunette was, smearing the slick arousal along her fingers as she found the swollen bud that twitched beneath its hood.

The brunette gasped out loudly and tugged against blonde hair bucking her hips once again, seeking the friction that would bring her to a blissful release. A whimper left her lips, her nails dug into the soft skin of Kara’s scalp, urging her to speed up her strokes. The smirk on the blonde’s lips only grew wider as she begun to work her fingers in tight circles against the brunette’s straining clit. Lena was quickly losing control, the coil in her belly was so tight and threatening to snap with embarrassing quickness but she didn’t care, it felt so good being under Kara, to lose herself under the touch of this beautiful woman.

The blonde sped up her fingers, circling them in a tight pattern as her lips latched tightly onto the sensitive underside of Lena’s breast, her teeth grazing the skin leaving the beginnings of yet another hickey. Wetness gushed from the brunette’s core and Kara could tell that she was close. Lena was digging her heels into her lower back; her pupils were blown wide and her face was beautifully contorted below her.

Kara grinned before shimmying down the brunette’s body leaving scorching kisses along the way, grazing her teeth over twitching muscles.

“You are the worst tease!” Lena let out a frustrated grumble, lifting her hips in an attempt to get closer to Kara’s mouth.

The blonde let out the cutest laugh as she pulled her fingers away, sucking them between her lips and cleaning her skin of the sweet arousal that coated them, Lena was sweet and musky and Kara knew she was addicted. A deep moan bubbled from her chest as she slid her arms around Lena’s hips and pulled her thighs over her shoulders, bringing her face to the brunette’s glistening folds. Heels dug hard into Kara’s back and she dove head first into Lena, her tongue sliding through swollen lips in a long broad swipe, collecting delicious arousal as she went. Lena grunted above her, bucking her hips up into the blonde’s mouth, her body creeping closer towards the much-needed release as Kara’s tongue swiped lazily along her twitching clit.

“Kara… for the love- argh!”

Lena was cut off as Kara’s lips sealed around her clit and plunged two dextrous fingers deep inside fluttering walls. The dam broke, the coil that had been wrapped so tightly snapped and rushed to meet Kara’s lips in one of the most intense orgasms that Lena had ever experienced. The blonde curled her fingers against the tightening walls, finding that sweet spongey spot within the brunette to coax her through her release. Her lips were still tightly wrapped around Lena’s aching clit, pumping her fingers inside the brunette to bring another heavy orgasm right on the heels of the last. Lena arched her back and her lips parted but no sound escaped her lips. Kara continued her actions, lapping up as much of her come as she could. until the brunette couldn’t take it anymore.

Kara chuckled softly and pulled her lips away, placing a small kiss against Lena’s quivering inner thighs. Her chin and lips where glistening with Lena’s sweet slick as her dark gaze cut through the dim light of the room. Having had something of an out of body experience, it took a bit of time for Lena to return to her body. When she could finally move, she reached down to cup Kara’s face, bringing and crushed their lips together. She could taste herself on the blonde’s lips and it sent another tantalizing jolt straight to her lower belly, igniting a hunger once more. Their kiss was slow but hungry and before Kara could fully comprehend what was happening, she was on her back, being pressed into the mattress under the comforting weight of Lena.

“My turn.” Lena grinned wickedly before kissing her way down taut muscles.

The two were inseparable for the rest of the conference, rushing away to hidden corners for steamy make out sessions or constantly being holed up in Lena’s suite, tangled in expensive bed sheets. When it was time to say goodbye, they were both beyond devastated but agreed to try and make it work regardless of the distance.

The two shared a delicate kiss as Lena saw Kara off at the airport with a promise to see her soon. The blonde reluctantly let go of the brunette’s hand and made her way through security to board the plane, tears in her eyes and a hopeful feeling in her chest. 

**_♕ Let's go down the rabbit hole. Dirty pretty things and all ♕_ **

Lena stood on the balcony of her penthouse and gazed out into the bustling city below her. As per usual, she had a crystal tumbler filled with a hefty amount of amber liquid tucked neatly in her hand. Tonight, she was dressed in baggy comic book tee and a casual pair of sweatpants rolled above her ankles. Her eyes took in the small apartment building that stood halfway across the city, the same structure that they always landed on when she wallowed on her balcony. It was where her soulmate lived, one Kara Danvers.

The beautiful, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Catco reporter that stole her heart and ruined her for anyone else. One look from those sapphire blue eyes and she was done for. But they could never be together. Lena was everything Kara was not. Lena was dark, twisted and so beyond damaged. A perpetual cloud of darkness followed her everywhere. It started when her father Lionel brought her into the Luthor home, four years old and in a brand-new country after just losing her mother. She had hoped she could find a mother figure in Lillian, but she was just mean and cold.

Lillian despised her, treated her like she was a piece of garbage, something that was meant to be hidden. Too many nights she would hide under the covers listening to her father and Lillian arguing in his study, cringing when Lillian would call her mother a second-class whore, that Lionel had brought home a disgrace and that Lena would never be a true Luthor. Still she strived to prove to Lillian that she could be a Luthor and she could be worthy of her love.

It never came. No matter what she did, whether it was maintain straight A’s in grade school through high school, to earning her first bachelors when she was only sixteen to being one of the youngest females in all of the state to finish her second Masters and make great strides in cancer research. She had five PhD’s for God’s sake. Still it was never enough; her “mother” held this deep seeded hate in her eyes, always telling her she could do better, or try harder. “ _Why can’t you be more like your brother, Lena_ ” She would say. Lex had always been the golden boy, even when he lost his shit and ran amuck through the city getting himself charged with multiple counts of murder and other evil crimes. Lillian still treated him like he was some saint that belonged on a pedestal. Lena had to fight tooth and nail just to be where she was today, and success came at a cost.

The brunette had to step over a lot of different people and throw them under the bus when it was necessary. After Lex’s conviction and sentencing, Lena was thrust into the shitstorm that was Luthor Corp. It took a long time to get out from her brother and mother’s shadow and revive her family company bringing it to its current glory under a new name—L-Corp stood tall. Not without its sacrifices though. Lena did a lot of things that she wasn’t proud of, and she refused to bring that darkness around Kara. The brunette, therefore, decided to stay away and put up as many walls as she could to protect the blonde from herself.

Lena tipped the crystal tumbler back, finishing the amber liquid in one large gulp before turning back inside; padding through her apartment to pour herself another few fingers worth of whiskey. Lena’s nights usually ended the same way. She got home from work far too late for anyone with a proper social life, drank herself into a stupor and passed out on some piece of furniture only to wake up and do it all over again. Alcohol was always the answer. It numbed the pain and muddled the darker thoughts and memories. It didn’t stop the dreams though. Her mind was plagued with dreams of her and Kara, all the good times that she kept locked away in boxes at the back of her mind.

The brunette polished off another half bottle of whiskey before she stumbled over to her large leather couch and collapsed onto it. A small hiccup left her lips as she gathered the throw pillow and hugged it tightly to her head. The world was spinning at an uncomfortable speed. Lena closed her eyes for a moment. Her breathing began to even out and her mind began to wander, the memories she worked so hard to keep locked away began to play behind her eyes. Vivid dreams that only re-hashed old wounds that had barely begun to heal.

| _One Year Ago_ |

Lena didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be in this city to scout out a new site for Luthor Corp. Even in a city filled with millions Lena still had her face glued to her town car window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the one person she desperately wanted to see.

A year had passed since she had broken Kara beyond repair. She had left Kara hanging on the end of the phone, telling the blonde that she didn’t want her, that building Luthor Corp into something bigger than a disgraced company was and ultimately would always be more important than her. To Kara’s credit she didn’t give up. She immediately flew into Metropolis and showed up at Lena’s penthouse door. The blonde was dripping wet from head to toe--having been caught in a rainstorm--and begged her not to end it.

Kara poured her heart out in her doorway, telling her that she’d be her support system and help her get through all the challenges life would through her way. _“Love could conquer all_ ” she said, ever the optimist.

Lena remembers feeling the gut-wrenching way her stomach dropped, her heart breaking as she came up with the harshest words that she could muster so that Kara would walk away. When she lied and said that there was someone else, that Kara was not enough and that she would never be enough for a Luthor, Lena remembers so vividly the look on the blonde’s face when her heart shattered into a million pieces. Kara looked like she was going to be physically sick. Lena stood tall, crossing her arms across her chest and kept a mask on her face to hide her true feelings. This was hurting her too, more than Kara would ever know, but Luthor Corp had to come first. Now that her brother was put away it was her responsibility to take over and build this company up to something that the brought good to the Luthor name.

Lena shuddered at the horrid memories, pinching the bridge of her nose as her driver weaved through the streets of National City. It had been a long day. Meetings with stuffy investors and location scouting for the new headquarters drained her more than a usual workday.

She tapped on the partition glass separating her from her driver and leaned her arm along the now open window. “Daniel, do you know of any good coffee shops around here? I am in desperate need of caffeine.”

Daniel gazed over his shoulder in the CEO’s direction with a polite smile. “Of course, Miss Luthor. There’s a very popular place a few blocks away.”

Lena gave him a small nod and a smile as she leaned back in her seat and gazed out the window once more. Soon the car was rolling to a stop outside Noonan’s, a cute little coffee shop that was bustling with activity. Lena straightened her pencil skirt and slid her purse into the crook of her arm before walking into the pleasant looking shop.

She stood in line with her eyes glued to her phone as usual. But then she heard _her_. She could recognize that voice anywhere. She dragged her eyes from her phone and found the blonde behind the counter serving every customer with the biggest smile on her lips. Kara made sure each customer was taken care of. She knew her regulars by name and knew their orders off by heart. Lena shuffled forward and clutched her phone tightly in her hand. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, a wave of nerves hitting her like a full force tidal wave. Even after all these months the sight of the blonde gave her butterflies, she was still radiant and beautiful. It was always so incredible how Kara could command a room, make everyone feel like they were special and important even if their interaction was brief. Kara flashed her thousand-kilowatt smile as she finished with the customer she was helping, writing their name on the cup before passing it off to the barista.

She watched as blue eyes scanned the line and held her breath as those perfect, breathtaking sapphires landed on her. Every muscle in Kara’s body froze and went rigid as their eyes met, and all of their history played out in the air between them. The blonde paled and the smile on her face faded so quickly it was like it was never there. She leaned over to the dark-haired barista that was making drinks, whispering something behind the counter before she backed away from the register and disappeared behind the beaded curtain that separated the front of the café from the backroom. A frown found its way onto Lena’s features as she watched Kara avoid her. She knew that she had no right to be upset or feel any sort of anger, but she couldn’t help it. She’d hurt Kara, she gave the brunette her heart and Lena turned around and stomped all over it. She did not deserve to have any sort of conversation with Kara but that didn’t make her want to have that brief interaction any less. She needed to hear her voice, even for the briefest moment.

Lena walked up to the counter and ordered. She left a hefty tip before walking off to the side, waiting for her drink to be made. She would talk to Kara by the time she left National city, Lena would make sure of it.

The next day was most of the same, meetings after meetings and scouting possible buildings, but Lena was anxious and skittish throughout the whole day. She had formulated a plan the night before; she was going to walk into Noonan’s, sit down at a table and wait for Kara and just try and talk to her. So, yes it sounded super creepy and probably just a little unhealthy, but Lena needed to talk to her, she needed to just…see how she was. Lena tapped her foot impatiently as she sat at the head of a massive board room table, the cap of her pen between her teeth. The plump man at the far end of the table was droning on and on about the state of LuthorCorp stocks that Lena had heard a million times. She needed to get out of there.

Finally, the meeting ended. She shook some hands, exchanged some pleasantries, before making a hasty exit down to the parking garage where Daniel was awaiting her arrival. She told him she was done for the day but wanted to be dropped off at the café he had showed her the day prior. He obliged and made his way through the city.

She had shoved some spare clothes in her brief case so she wouldn’t walk into the coffee shop looking ready to enter a business meeting. She quickly changed in the back of the town car; sporting a simple pair of blue jeans and a cotton t-shirt. She topped it off with an old MIT ball cap, her raven hair pulled into a tight ponytail. Lena had a nervous knot sitting in the pit of her stomach, she shifted and wrung her hands as she sat in the back. Traffic in the city was brutal, and Lena’s impatience was growing, but soon the car pulled up to curb outside of the café. Lena dismissed her driver for the night; tapping on the glass and waving a simple good-bye before she climbed out of the car and pulled her cap further down on her head, hiding her face.

Lena pushed in through the door and her eyes scanned the shop. There was a busy energy running through the small space. People were sitting around tables with friends, or significant others, students from the university putting in some much-needed work on projects and school assignments. Lena stepped further into the coffee shop, taking her place in line and ordering an iced coffee and a cinnamon sticky bun before walking to a small booth in the back with a decent view to the whole shop. Kara had yet to make an appearance and Lena felt a small pang of sadness that maybe she wasn’t working today. The brunette sipped at her iced coffee and leaned back in the booth as she watched people come and go, sipping fancy latte’s and eating fresh pastries.

Their lives looked so simple. They all looked so at ease—conversations flowing, and jokes shared happily. How they made life and relationships look so easy the brunette would never know. Most people around the café looked like they knew how to just turn off that part of their brain that said, “work before anything else.”

Lena was about to pack up her things and make her sad walk back to her hotel when she saw her. A flash of blonde hair and ruffled clothes pushed through the front door, nearly plowing over an older lady carrying a box filled with desserts. She righted the woman and apologized profusely before hurrying behind the counter and out of sight behind the partition beads. 

Lena slid back into her seat and pulled her cap further down trying to hide her face a little more, she slumped down in her chair hunching her back slightly. She watched as Kara hastily brushed past the beaded curtain, wrapping the long apron ties around her back and tying them just below her abdomen. She pulled her hair up into her signature high ponytail and jumped right into helping her fellow barista’s with making drinks and clearing out the rush of people coming from the college and high schools in the area.

Lena sat in her little two-person booth at the back of the café keeping her eyes low but never leaving Kara’s form. She had long since finished her iced coffee and pastry and was just fiddling with her napkin.

A few hours passed and the major rush was over when Kara began making her rounds to the different tables picking up the empty mugs and placing them in a bin then wiping down the table with a rag. She handed the bin off to one of the barista’s before making her way towards Lena, whose nerves suddenly spiked; the knot in her stomach tightening as she kept her head down. She had run through the things she wanted to say over and over in her head, had practiced them like she was rehearsing her speeches she wrote when she had to speak at Gala’s or public events. She pulled her hands into her lap and clenched them into tight fists as she sucked in a deep breath. Kara stood in front of her; she still smelt the same vanilla and jasmine with hints of her coconut shampoo, she had thrown the rag over her shoulder and placed her hands on her hips her smile reaching ear to ear.

“How are we doing over here? Anything else I can grab you miss?” Kara’s voice was bright and chipper.

Lena closed her eyes for a moment and gathered all of whatever strength she could find within her and brought her gaze up to meet Kara’s. Green met blue and everything around them slowed to an agonizing stand still. Kara’s features morphed immediately her smile disappearing. Lena could see Kara take in a sharp breath, her eyes searching her face, those same blue eyes she found comfort in, which made her feel wanted…and loved now looked at her with pain and devastation. Tears began to form in Kara’s eyes and she lifted her hand to her mouth before taking a step back moving to turn away from her. Lena reached out and took her wrist carefully pressing her fingers into tanned skin making her stay, Kara turned her head away from her, closing her eyes.

Lena held her wrist for a moment feeling the smooth skin under her fingertips, “Kara please… I—just give me five minutes. Then I will leave you alone.”

Kara opened her eyes after a long moment she turned her tear-filled eyes on Lena and stared at her with a broken expression on her face. “Five minutes. I finish at eight.” She pulled her wrist from Lena’s grasp slowly and walked back to the counter and whispered something to her co-worker and slipped into the back and out of sight.

***

Lena had sat around the café until the not-so-friendly brunette barista that was working with Kara kicked her out citing they needed to clean up and close the café and that she needed to leave. The brunette was huffy and all but pushed Lena out of the doors before locking it behind her and flipping the open sign to closed. There was a bench just across the street from the café where Lena found herself slumping, arms wrapped around her torso and mind racing; there were things she wanted to say, things she _needed_ to say. Lena glanced at her watch she had been sitting outside for almost fifteen minutes, the evening air had a bite to it, and it nipped away at her exposed arms. Lena rubbed at her cold skin as she waited, she clenched her jaw tightly to stop the chattering that threatened to sound.

She was afraid that Kara wasn’t going to show. The blonde had every right to stand Lena up, the look in her eyes when she saw Lena sitting in that booth was agonizing, but sure enough the beautiful blonde head of hair made her way out of the little coffee shop.

Kara said good-bye to her co-worker before turning toward where Lena was sitting; the brunette immediately stood and shoved her hands into her pockets as she watched Kara cross the street.

Kara stood in front of Lena with her arms crossed over her chest, her breath coming out in little puffs of white steam. She stared at the brunette, her jaw flexing as she clenched and unclenched, hands gripping onto her arms tightly as she waited for Lena to say what she came here to say. The brunette’s eyes dragged down Kara’s face before taking a step forward and reaching out to touch Kara’s cheek. The blonde flinched like she had been burnt, her eyes squeezing shut as she gripped onto her arms fingers paling from the intensity. Her body trembled as she cowered away from the brunette’s touch. Lena pulled her hand away immediately and her heart dropped through the concrete to whatever hell lay beneath to burn for the pain she had caused. She knew she had hurt Kara but to see this kind of reaction from her was something she never saw coming; she had truly destroyed her. 

“Kara I—I am so sorry.” Lena watched the blonde, her breath hitching in her throat. 

“You’re sorry? Is that what you came all this way to tell me? You stalked me to my place of work, sat in that café all day watching me from that booth to tell me that you are sorry?!” Kara’s voice raised as she spoke, tears beading in her eyes.

Lena shuffled her weight from foot to foot, looking over Kara’s shoulder for a moment and taking in as deep a breath as she could with her lungs and chest tightening. Everything was going wrong, the words weren’t coming out right and she just didn’t know how to convey what was in her heart—what she needed Kara to hear. She wanted to tell her that she loved her, she wanted Kara to know that she was truly sorry, that she had never meant to hurt her, That Lena was just too damaged for someone like her.

“Kara I just—I wanted to see you. I was in town for Luthor Corp and I just stumbled onto the café, I swear I wasn’t going out of my way to find you.” Lena brought her gaze back to those blue eyes. “I wanted to explain, I wanted to talk—I needed to see you at least once before I left.”

“Then explain please. Tell me why you ended things over the phone. Out of nowhere no less, which completely blindsided me because in my head everything had been going fine. Sure we didn’t get to see each other as often but it was good. I loved you, I loved you so much. Enlighten me to why after I hopped on a plane to Metropolis and poured my soul out to you, lay myself bare, you all but shoved me out of your penthouse with my heart in my hands in a million pieces. So _please_ Lena, tell me what the heck it is you felt the need to explain to me because you made things pretty f-fricken clear that night.” The tears were streaming freely down Kara’s cheeks now, she looked so small so broken.

Lena watched Kara slowly unravel, the mask she had tried to put in place was crumbling and the scars Lena had given the blonde were clear as day. It was painful. She was speechless, all semblance of words had left her, and she didn’t have a response. She just stared at the blonde; her mouth agape as she spluttered, her brain still turning trying to find words. Kara shook her head. A of a choked sob and a humourless laugh left her lips as she hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Kara all but spat her reply. “Yeah that’s what I thought.”

The blonde took a deep breath, expelling another puff of air illuminated by the streetlight that had now since turned on as they sensed the sun setting. She searched Lena’s face waiting for her to say something, anything really, but Lena continued to open and close her jaw like a grade A dumbass. Kara shook her head and put some distance between herself and Lena before turning on her heel; she walked away from whatever situation this was. Lena blinked and watched Kara’s form retreat down the street, the blonde sparing one look over her shoulder before breaking into a jog and disappearing.

The brunette stood there under the streetlight just looking off into the direction that the blonde had gone still gaping like an idiot. For all her PhDs, and her Masters degrees she couldn’t form some sort of response to make Kara understand why she had hurt her that day. She couldn’t explain that Kara was too good and too perfect for Lena to come along and bring all her baggage and bullshit that would inevitably turn Kara dark, just like she had become.

Finally, Lena snapped out of whatever stupor she had been in and shook her head, pulling her phone from her back pocket texting her driver to retrieve her and bring her back to the hotel so she could drown her feelings in the most expensive whiskey the hotel could offer.

***

Lena awoke to a gentle breeze filtering through the open balcony door. She must have forgotten to close it before she had stumbled to the couch in her drunk state. A groan left her lips as the numbness of sleep slowly left her body and the splitting headache and nausea hit her full force. The constant pounding in her temples and behind her eyes was only fueling the unrest in her stomach; the whiskey and lack of food was slowly trying to make its way back up with a vengeance. She took in a deep breath through her nostrils letting the breeze caress her heated skin, her mouth felt dry, her tongue feeling like sand paper on the roof of her mouth, and she knew that her breath was probably as rancid if the way the taste in her mouth gave her any clue. Lena rose from the couch slowly and sat there for a moment before she pulled herself to her feet, she needed to make sure that her stomach was going to cooperate and not spill its contents all over her expensive white rug.

When she was confident she wasn’t going to upchuck, she stood from the couch and shuffled to her bedroom where she stripped herself of her sweaty clothes and continued her shuffling into her bathroom to the shower. Standing under the hot spray of water as it beat down against her skin did little to soothe her. Lena ran her fingers through her hair, combing out the few knots that had formed in her sleep, she closed her eyes and sank down to the floor bringing her knees up to her chest hiding her face against her thighs. The tears starting streaming down her face as she was unable to hold them back anymore, her chest tightened, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. The dream she had of their last encounter was haunting her once more; even when awake she wasn’t safe from the memories.

Lena strolled into L-Corp much later than normal. Jess was sitting at her desk typing away frantically as she approached. When her assistant finally became aware that she had exited the elevator she all but bound from her chair with tablet in hand and a face filled with deep worry.

“Miss Luthor. It’s eleven a.m. Is everything alright?”

Lena blinked for a moment then looked down at the wristwatch that accompanied her wrist a small frown pulling her immaculate brows together. Eleven o’clock. Had she really lost that much track of time this morning wallowing in her shower? she was never late to work. She was always early, hence the very flustered, very worried secretary that was hovering around her as she pushed through her large wooden door that led into her office. Jess was hot on her heels, following the brunette through her office until Lena was seated at her desk; she clutched the tablet tight to her chest as she awaited her boss’ answer.

“I am alright Jess, just got a little distracted this morning.”

Jess didn’t seem convinced, ever the intuitive person she was. “If you need something Miss Luthor, if you need some time off, I can rearrange somethings.”

Lena took in a long breath and folded her hands on her desk as she put on the best mask, she could muster giving her secretary—honestly her friend—a small smile.

“Jess, I promise I am okay, just, this week has been…difficult.”

The tiny woman gave Lena a sad smile as she nodded, she knew what was really going on in that big Luthor brain of hers, she knew what this week meant to Lena, and how much it was affecting her. The days following the break-up, Lena had texted Jess and informed her that she wasn’t going to be making it into work for a few days, which was very out of character for the CEO. When a few days turned into almost a week, Jess grew worried and immediately made it her mission to seek out her boss and make sure she was not dead or dying. She had only been working with Lena a year or so when the whole thing went down, but Jess had gotten to know the Luthor’s work ethic and dedication to the then Luthor Corp.

She wouldn’t have called them friends at the time, but she had respected her boss and was concerned for her well being. Jess was certainly afraid of overstepping her boundaries, but she just needed to make sure that the youngest Luthor was alright. Jess didn’t know many details about the CEO’s love life but she did know that Lena had been in a relationship with someone over the course of a year--guessing from the amount of short weekend trips and the commandeering of the Luthor jet from National City to Metropolis or vice versa--it was long distance. But it was the happiest she had ever seen the young CEO; there was a brightness to her, she smiled more and even made jokes with board members or investors. She always came back from her little trips refreshed and with a new drive. She would spend more time in the lab, working hand-in-hand with the scientists and the research and development team to create bigger and better tech to fight diseases, solve global social issues, or create gear for police and peace keeping troops.

But even with all the good she was doing and the happiness she saw, Jess had noticed that Lena was struggling with the pressures of reviving her company and dealing with the aftermath of her brother’s trial. Not to mention Lillian Luthor’s constant breathing down her daughter’s neck. Jess had surmised that everything had just become a little bit too overwhelming even for Lena Luthor. She had tried to hide the strain it was causing, she tried to make everything work but the secretary could see the toll the pressure was taking on the young woman. In the end Lena’s duty to her family overshadowed her right happiness and love—even if the only thing the Luthor’s ever gave Lena was their last name and pain—she broke things off with the small-town girl.

The days following the painful break-up Lena didn’t show up to work, Jess did find it odd, but the woman was entitled to one day to herself after the countless hours she spent cooped up in her office or in boardrooms.

But when she texted Jess and told her she wasn’t going to make it into the office for the next week, the secretary instantly knew something was horribly wrong. Jess immediately cleared the Luthor’s schedule and made it her duty to seek out the CEO and make sure she was alright. Lena would never ask for a week off, a day, sure, but the company was just getting back on its feet and she knew everything that was at stake.

Jess called an Uber and headed to the Luthor’s penthouse, all the while her brain running wild with possible scenarios she would have to find a way to keep proceedings discrete so the media wouldn’t catch wind of it and turn up more crap the PR department would have to sooth over. The secretary slipped into the front foyer of Lena’s apartment building and straight into the elevator. She continued to answer emails, sending a few off even before the silver doors opened to the long hallway of the penthouse. She keyed in her personal code to Lena’s apartment which the CEO had given her for emergencies or when she needed a last-minute wardrobe change and pushed open the door with her shoulder, slipping inside quickly.

Jess walked into a dark apartment. The curtains had been drawn and there were no lights on throughout the penthouse.

“Miss Luthor?” Jess spoke quietly as to not startle her boss.

The brunette placed her belongings on the bench beside the door and proceeded into the apartment slowly her arms wrapped tightly around her middle as she moved. The apartment was eerily quiet aside from a few sniffles and muffled sobs that were coming from the living room. Jess hurried down the hall following the sound; she came up to the living room and stood in the doorway squinting in the dark.

“Miss Luthor?”

The secretary shuffled into the living room where a small shadowy form was curled up on the couch. She knelt down next to her boss and hesitantly raised her hand to Lena’s head, stroking her thumb against her forehead. Lena’s eyes flashed open and bright emerald green orbs sliced through the darkness; red rimmed her irises and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. A muffled sob left the CEO’s lips as she turned and buried her face against the leather of her couch as a fresh wave of tears fell against the smooth material. Jess’ features morphed, her frown pulled her brows together and her face darkened, she had never seen Lena like this. She had seen the CEO when she was frustrated or when she was stressed, even caught glimpses of pain after a particularly rough meeting with her mother, but she had never seen her so utterly broken.

“Miss—”

“Lena—Jess, please just… Lena.”

Jess softened and sat back against her calves as she swiped her thumb against her boss’ cheek and cleared her tears.

“Lena, what happened?”

The brunette rubbed against her eyes as she pushed herself up from the sofa and slumped forward, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her chin into her hands. She looked a mess, her hair was matted and oily and her clothes were rumpled, a faint smell of body odour emanated off the Luthor indicating she hadn’t really showered in the last few days or so. Jess leaned up from her spot on the floor and came to sit beside her boss. She hesitated a moment, wondering if she was crossing some sort of line that should really never be tampered with between Boss and Secretary. But in a weird way she cared for her boss, as a friend; she respected her more than anything and if she was in some sort of trouble or hurting in some way there wasn’t anything wrong with comforting her. Jess rubbed her hand between Lena’s shoulder blades, frowning as she felt the tension that was held there. Lena shifted slightly and ran her fingers through her hair before turning her gaze onto her secretary.

“I messed up bad Jess. Really bad,”

Jess sat pulling her hand away and folding it in her lap as she waited for Lena to explain further.

“I hurt someone, a person I cared very deeply for and I just—I can’t get the look on her face out of my head. It was like I reached into her chest and crushed her heart in my hands right in front of her. Her face—Jess you should have seen it, I—” Lena’s voice was hoarse from crying, her eyes filling with tears.

Jess’ frown deepened and she wrapped her arm around Lena’s shoulder and pulled her into a hug. The brunette flopped her head against her shoulder and leaned into Jess as the sobs started once more. The secretary hummed softly resting her cheek against Lena’s head as she rubbed her back soothingly; trying to offer as much comfort to the broken woman as she could.

“The girl from National City?” Jess asked gently.

Lena pulled her face from where it had been buried, confusion flashing over her features as she looked into the Jess’ honey brown eyes. “How did you—?”

“Come now Lena, I do control your schedule, weekend trips to National City? The Luthor Corp jet having one extra passenger most flights? Give me some credit.” A small chuckle left her lips as she patted Lena’s back softly.

Lena snorted sadly and hung her head low, her hair fanning out to hide her face. “I guess I wasn’t as discreet as I had hoped.” She tilted her head to the side, hard green eyes cut through the darkness and peered into Jess’ soul. “No matter, it’s finished. Luthor Corp must be my main priority.”

Jess’ heart dropped and she shifted so her body was facing Lena more fully. “What do you mean? Luthor Corp is doing fine. Lena you deserve to be happy.”

Lena stood from the couch so abruptly she jostled Jess, the pain in her eyes morphed the green of her iris into jagged emerald. The secretary actually cowered away from her boss, pulling her arms tightly around her body, and looked away from her. The CEO had never looked at her like that before. There had never a moment in the year Jess had worked under Lena that she had felt genuinely afraid of her. But sitting here in this apartment with those piercing eyes slicing through the darkness she actually felt afraid; she had never seen the youngest Luthor look so much like her mother.

Lena brought her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose pinching it tightly as she struggled for some semblance of control over her erratic emotions. “Luthor Corp _needs_ to be my number one priority. Nothing can distract me.”

“Y-Yes of course, Miss Luthor,” Jess whispered heavily.

And just like that Jess fell back into her roll as the simple secretary and Lena was once again just her boss; she felt stupid for thinking they could be friends or at least acquaintances. Suddenly being here in her apartment felt like too much, like she was definitely crossing a line, so she rose from her perch on the couch and shuffled around the fuming Luthor— backing herself down the hallway to her things.

“I’m sorry Miss Luthor, I will be going now. Just inform me when you will be returning to the office so I may reschedule your meetings.”

Lena’s eyes softened. The once hard emerald shattered away into soft mossy green; her face fell once again as she watched Jess revert back into the feeble woman that scurried around the office doing whatever the CEO wanted or needed. She had let her self-pity and pain take control, lashing out at the one person that had actually took the time to make sure that she was okay, that she wasn’t drinking herself into early on-set liver failure. She turned to face Jess, who had scooped up her things and had all but ripped open the door.

Lena felt even worse she took a step forward towards the brunette and swallowed the lump in her throat “Jess I’m—”

“Please Miss Luthor, don’t apologize. I will see you back at the office whenever you are ready.” Jess gave a small smile before pulling open the door and slipping out.

Lena watched the door close behind her and she was alone once more.

Jess shook her head free of the memories, bringing herself back to the present. The CEO and secretary had come a long way since then, their relationship growing stronger, and now they officially called each other friends. They would occasionally enjoy a drink together after work or even have dinner at Lena’s place to chat about anything but work. It was nice, Lena enjoyed Jess’ company and she could talk to the brunette about anything, especially her feelings on missing Kara. Some of her darkest days were spent holed up in her apartment crying into Jess’ lap, sobbing incoherently about how much she wished she could get the blonde reporter back.

The two stood in a comfortable silence for a moment before Jess brought the tablet she had been holding at her side up to eye level.

“Shall we go over today’s agenda Miss Luthor?” Jess asked.

Lena gave a small nod before opening her open laptop and began skimming through the emails she had received over the course of the morning.

“You have a conference call with Edge Industries at one p.m., and then a few of the investors have requested a meeting with you to go over this quarters numbers.”

Lena audibly groaned, flopping back into her chair as she ran her fingers through her hair. Morgan Edge was not the person she wanted to deal with today and she certainly did not have the patience for _another_ meeting about quarterly numbers. Her company was at the top right now, it was pushing out some beautiful technology and making serious strides in cancer research— which had always been Lena’s passion.

“I know, we are in for a fun filled day.” Jess chuckled to herself. “But we have the National City Children’s Hospital Gala tonight.”

Lena perked up, raising her brow slightly as she straightened her spine and folded her hands on her desk. “Right, the Gala…Will anyone with a particular interest be at said Gala?”

Jess folded the tablet behind her back, clutching onto it with both her hands as she gave her boss a firm nod. “Why yes, one blonde reporter should be attending, I believe she is to be writing an article on the evening.”

Lena sat back in her office chair and brought her fingers to her lips in thought. If Kara was going to be at that Gala maybe there would be a chance for her and Lena to talk. It had been almost a year since the two had really seen each other or even spoke. Maybe tonight could be about reconciliation or maybe even a fresh start? Lena would need to make sure she looked good; find something to wear that she knew Kara wouldn’t be able to look away from. She wanted a moment alone to speak to Kara, to have that conversation she attempted to have when she had first come to National City a year ago.

She needed to tell her that she was sorry— _again—_ but she wanted Kara to understand that she was a dark cloud and Kara didn’t deserve that negativity when she had so much going for her, especially now. Kara was on track to be a great reporter; she was making something of herself, and she didn’t need Lena bringing her more pain, even if Lena wanted to be selfish. If anything, Lena just wanted to be within the same breathing air as the blonde, just for a moment.

It was severely unhealthy, and slightly creepy. The wheels started to turn in Lena’s brain, a plan slowly forming as she watched her secretary gave her a smirk and a shake of her head before turning on her heel and resuming her post outside the CEO’s office.

Yes, tonight she would speak to one Kara Danvers.

**_♕ Let's go down the rabbit hole. Steal a kiss and in we fall ♕_ **

The ballroom was packed. Everyone was dressed to the nines; fancy silk dresses and expensive tailored suits—all the latest fashions no doubt— it was enough to make Lena want to puke. She hated these things. She knew this was for a good cause. But more than anything it was an excuse for people with deep pockets to flaunt their wealth like peacocks. Ease their guilty consciences of their shady business practices by donating to a children’s hospital. It was enough to drive Lena insane. She was actually making strides to help people, tried her best to create things to make this world a better place, and these people were just fakes. Regardless Lena played her part, she of course donated a handsome sum to the hospital and dressed in her finest.

She had chosen an eloquent deep maroon dress with a plunging neckline and a tight fit that displayed her curves in a delicious way. She had many eyes lingering on her and it gave her a sense of pride, even after all this time she could turn heads—married and not—but there was one head in particular she was hoping to turn though she had yet to make an appearance. Lena wore her favourite lipstick, the one that Kara loved so much; it matched her dress _‘Ox Blood’_ it was called, a deep purple that made her lips pop. She had winged her eyeliner just right, a cat eye so sharp it could cut. She had left her raven hair down for the event, letting it cascade down her back in soft waves. Lena felt hot, martini glass in hand; standing by the bar with the best vantage point to the double doors that bled into the ballroom.

The night dragged on painlessly for the most part, Lena made her rounds, mingling with some of the party’s patrons; a fake smile plastered to her lips and her eyes constantly wandering discreetly across the vast sea of people. It was well into the evening and still there was no sign of the young blonde reporter. Her chest constricted and anxiety filled her body as a nervous energy zipped through her veins. She wondered if maybe Kara knew that Lena would be here—because obviously she would be, she was one of the biggest donors to the hospital--and that she asked not to attend the event this evening, maybe she had another reporter here so she wouldn’t have to be in the same room as the Luthor. She wasn’t totally surprised, she didn’t deserve to feel disappointed, but she still was. Another hour or so passed and she decided that Kara was going to be a no show, so she decided she would spend the rest of her time at the bar drowning her sorrows.

She leaned against the bar, waved down the bar tender and ordered her preferred beverage, a double of their finest whiskey straight. She took a decent swig, the amber liquid sliding down her throat with a familiar burn making the tightness in her chest loosen just a little. She felt stupid, moreover she felt unhealthy. Stalking around the ballroom in hopes she would find and ambush the blonde with her presence, forcing her to hear her out even after she was the sole reason Kara was so broken to begin with.

Lena really was a monster. How had she sunk so far down this hole of darkness that she would force her presence onto someone that really wanted nothing to do with her? She finished off her whiskey before signalling the bartender once more and ordering another Double, already feeling the beautiful affects of the alcohol buzzing around her system.

“Forced to attend this Gala as well?” a very familiar voice made its way to Lena’s ears from behind her.

She spun around coming face to face with the blonde goddess that plagued her waking moments and dreams as well. Blue sapphires peered down at her, a strong and sure smirk playing on Kara’s lips. A wave of déjà vu hit Lena like a stack of bricks, the memory of the first time they ever laid eyes on each other flooding her alcohol dampened senses.

She was staring, her eyes fluttering back and forth between those blue eyes the same sapphire eyes she found comfort in so many times. She was starring, practically gapping because her mind was drawing a blank. Once again all the words she had rigorously planned and rehearsed over and over in her head escaped her.

Kara waved over the bartender and ordered her go to beer. She leaned against the bar. She was dressed in a tux this time around, much nicer than the first time they had met—it was tailored to her frame perfectly. Kara looked different. Good different. Her hair was a touch longer and was sporting a fresh pair of bangs—very cute bangs—that framed her face well. She was more muscular, her suit did nothing to hide the definition in her arms and her chest, Jesus even her legs looked toned through the smooth fabric of her slacks. Lena’s eyes tracked up her thighs, slowly drinking in the figure that was standing in front of her. Kara’s vest fit snuggly to her midsection finishing off the whole look with the cutest navy-blue bow tie.

“Kara,” Lena whispered softly.

The brunette swallowed around the lump that had lodged itself in her throat as she straightened up bringing herself to her full height. Even with her heels Kara had a few inches on her; she seemed confident, it oozed from her pores—a far stretch from the last time they had spoke—when Kara all but shrivelled away from her. Lena took in a deep breath, searching her brain for something witty to say, for something that would make her less like a gaping idiot, but with the alcohol and her shock her mind was sufficiently blank.

“I see you are trying to self-sooth with alcohol as well,” Kara spoke as she brought her pint of beer to her lips taking a hefty sip.

Lena blinked away her shock and pulled on her big girl pants; she’d raised a multi-billion-dollar company from the bowels of hell and if she could make men tremble under her stare she could certainly talk to Kara.

“Who needs to pay for a therapist when you have alcohol, am I right?” Lena laughed nervously to herself, looking down at the ice bobbing in her glass.

_You are literally the biggest loser Lena Luthor—'am I right?’ What is that? I am sure she’s so impressed with your oh so healthy copping mechanisms, Jesus_. Lena gave herself the biggest imaginary face palm, if a hole could open in the floor and swallow her up that would be awesome.

Kara bit down against her lip trying to hide her smile as she raised her eyebrow. Her blue eyes were sparkling with amusement. She leaned against the bar propping her arm against the smooth marble stuffing her hand into her pocket. Lena could smell her beautiful floral perfume, gardenia and a little bit of something else she couldn’t place her finger on. Her eyes fluttered for a moment and she took in a good lung full before shaking her head shaking away the jumbled thoughts. She brought her gaze too meet Kara’s once more. There was still so much tension and sadness that lingered between the two, no matter how hard Kara tried to hide it Lena could see it in small glimpses, little ways her eyes lingered on her face. The little moments of pain that flashed in those blue eyes darkening them slightly when Kara thought that Lena wasn’t looking.

She had damaged this beautiful bubbly person, she did that to everyone that got close to her, tainting them with the darkness she carried around like a growth on her body. Would it have been worse if she had just let Kara in? Let her see the demons that plagued her mind, would it have made a difference, would Kara have walked away instead of her forcing her away. Lena always agonized over her decision to keep herself at arms length, from the only thing that had ever made her feel better, made her feel _Normal_.

Lena decided it was enough, maybe it was the fact that Kara stood in front of her with all this confidence and poise or maybe it was all the alcohol clouding her brain and better judgment but right here, right now she knew what she wanted and what she needed and that was Kara. Sweet, kind, delicate, beautiful Kara Danvers in all of her glory. Lena finished off the last finger of scotch in her glass and swung her finger at the bartender, he instantly replaced her empty glass with a full one and she turned her molten emerald eyes on Kara. The blonde noticed the change in her and her breath hitched in her throat and Lena could see the blonde’s throat bob as she swallowed hard. A predator with its sight on their prey and Kara knew it. The blonde all but chugged her pint of beer turning to the bartender for a fresh drink.

The night went on, the two caught up with what they had been up too over the past year. Kara listened to Lena drag on about how her company has grown, the advancements she made in the medical field and helping people that didn’t have the resources or the advancements. Lena felt a little self conscience babbling on and on about herself, filling the air about all the things that she had achieved, all the milestones that she’d reached without Kara. It reminded her of all the times she had hit a break-through, or really put a particularly misogynistic board member in their place she had been so excited to run home and share it with the blonde, only to remember that She wouldn’t be there, that her apartment was as empty as her soul. She faltered as she spoke looking down at her knotted fingertips, but Kara nodded along the whole time, her eyes bright and her attention solely on the brunette. She was always so good at making sure Lena had her full attention

Lena swung the attention to Kara intrigued to know about the last year and how its molded her. Selfishly she wondered if Kara had felt the same, if there were times in which she had wanted nothing more than to reach out to her, call her, see her to tell her about her day or when something big happened. Kara spoke about her articles, how she had gone from writing small puff pieces on art galleries or school football games to writing about the real issues. Protests at city hall about shady politics, her take on the major issues that were going on in the city or getting to interview influential people making a difference in the world spreading their message. Kara spoke with such passion with so much pride, the way it shown so brightly in her eyes just showed how much it meant to her to be able to reach the masses. She had always said that she wanted to change the world with her writing, be able to inform the public and share the real stories with people, not those stupid biased cover up stories that was plaguing todays media.

Of course, Lena had kept up to date with every single one of her stories since the very start of her being published, even her blog where she posted some choice words. She was so animated, it made Lena’s heart swell with pride and affection. Her chest filled with warmth beginning to spread up her neck and towards her extremities. The effects of the alcohol were fully running through their veins, Kara more so than Lena, the brunette always did have a better tolerance. The blonde was beginning to sway every so often, her eyes glazed but bright, leaning in much closer to Lena as she spoke. They sat at the bar together until the crowds dwindled the night beginning to come to an end, although she really didn’t want her time with Kara to end.

The blonde was nibbling against her lip—it was quite distracting honestly, Lena wanted to take that beautifully pink, plump lip between her teeth and pull, Lena mentally shook herself from the thoughts clouding her mind—Kara eyes began roaming around the room watching as the people began shuffling drunkenly out of the large room, her fingers circled her empty beer chalice before turning her bright blue gaze to Lena. There was a nervous energy pouring out of Kara, she was unsure of herself, which was something Lena wasn’t used to seeing. She reached out and touched the blonde’s cheek, her thumb grazing under her eye gently. So blue, calm like the ocean on a summer day, the depths deceiving as the sun shown down on it.

Lena blinked trying to clear her mind but she was helpless but to drown in those _blue blue_ eyes, chasing a high she so desperately craved. They were sure--a bit clouded by the haze of alcohol but _sure--_ an invitation lay in her eyes, there was a dare hidden in her gaze, as if Kara wanted her to ask the question that was burning on Lena’s lips. For a moment it was as if the history between them although painful and heart wrenching it didn’t matter, none of it mattered. There was this moment, right here in the present, between two souls that were destined to be together, there was no stopping this, no matter how hard they tried. Lena knew she needed to jump, she wasn’t sure if Kara would catch her but she was fueled by poor self control and alcohol and so she went with it, and she **_Jumped_**.

“Did you…want to come back to my apartment?” Lena asked hesitantly.

She could see the conflict that crossed over Kara’s features, she closed her eyes for a moment, probably contemplating the pros and cons of the whole situation before she leaned into Lena’s touch a deep breath filling her lungs. It felt like a lifetime passed as Kara kept her eyes closed, her nostrils flaring slightly as she exhaled a deep unsettled breath. Lena could feel her own breath refusing to release as she waited as patiently as she could. Her skin itched and prickled painfully, her brain descending into a downward spiral of self doubt and self loathing. Would Kara rebuff her and send her on her way with a bruised ego and another piece of her shattered heart laying on the ground. She deserved it, Lena always deserved the pain and the heart break, after all she did put herself here in this situation. Lena hurt everyone around her, the darkness seeping out like hot lava and incinerating anything she touched. She broke Kara first— _shattered her is more like it—_ the small voice in her head reminded her. The devastation she saw in Kara’s damp blue eyes the night she broke things off in her apartment flashed into her mind and Lena had to will not to flinch at the memory. Although the blonde looked to have picked up some of the pieces that she had left on Lena’s apartment floor that night, tired to keep it hidden, Lena could still see that broken girl the sunshine and brightness dimmed in her eyes, so easily had Lena’s darkness snuffed out Kara’s light that night. She told herself she needed to stay away, as far away from Kara as she could manage but it was like there was a bigger force at play. Kara was Lena’s favorite drug, her favourite _Bad Habit_.

When she opened her eyes again, her blue eyes were sparkling with the same surety they had on the night they first met, and with a small nod she pushed herself from the bar top--albeit a little unsteady--and took Lena’s hand from her cheek lacing their fingers tightly. The trip from the Gala to Lena’s apartment was a bit of a blur, she remembers them stumbling to her town car, she recalls Daniel rolling up the partition to give the two some privacy. The air was thick with tension and desire, Lena’s eyes were dark, her pupils dilating to cover most of the emerald green, Kara wasn’t fairing much better, here eyes matched Lena’s as they sat on either end of the car just watching each other. The car ride felt like hours, time had slowed within the small confines of the cab, but the intensity just grew, filling it with a thick layer of lust and uncertainty. When the wheels finally stop the two stumbled from the car and into the foyer, Kara wrapped her arm tightly around Lena’s middle and they made it to the elevator at last. Flash backs to their first kiss, the blonde leaning against one side of the lift Lena pressed against the cool metal across from her, eyes dark and hungry. Everything came crashing down on them in that moment history repeating itself once again.

Lena lunged for Kara this time pressing her to the metal siding their bodies melting together, a puzzle piece finally finding its match and everything locking into its rightful place. Her hands gripped against the lapels of Kara’s tux tugging her impossibly closer before slowly sliding their way up her strong shoulders and her fingers wrapping tightly in those blonde curls, _soft, so soft_. Their lips crashed together, the kiss was sloppy at first, teeth and tongue and urgency both fighting for dominance as they sought out their rhythm. Kara’s hands—those smooth large hands that could play Lena’s body like a fine-tuned fiddle—wrapped around her ribs gripping a moment before sliding down to grip her hips, holding Lena’s body to her own as if her life depended on it. Lena shifted her hips slightly an ache bloomed in her lower belly, tight and almost painful, it had been a long time since she had felt that pleasant ache between her thighs. She could feel the wetness begin to soak the expensive lace underwear she wore, sticky and hot. Pleasure had become nothing more than a way to release tension, blow off steam or just to help Lena sleep after long hours of board rooms and business meetings or the time she spent in the lab and just wanted to catch a few licks of sleep without painful dreams.

As their kiss grew more intense, Kara nibbling against Lena’s lower lip and tugging so deliciously, her hands slipping further to grip against the brunette’s backside squeezing with vigour. It was overwhelming and Lena’s head was spinning, and her lungs burned from lack of oxygen, which in turn made her head spin even more but she didn’t want to pull away. She was afraid that if she pulled away everything would fade and she would wake up crying, in search of a bottle of the strongest alcohol she could find to make her forget. It felt like a dream, it didn’t feel real to be here in this elevator wrapped around the one person that made her feel _whole_ the one person she had wanted for so long. Her brain was always her worst enemy, telling her she couldn’t have Kara, she _shouldn’t_ have her. With soft blonde curls, a tall thick frame, strong hands and a heart of gold. The same heart that made her weak in the knees that in turn made _her_ heart call out, beg for the blonde for so long, even when her heart whispered to her planting seeds that Kara was her _soulmate._ Still her brain doubted, always doubted, her heart and her brain could never agree. None of that mattered right now. What mattered was she was here with Kara and, god, she tasted _so good_ , like sweets or candy and a touch of barley from the beer she had been drinking all night. She wanted Kara now, she didn’t want to wait any longer, she had waited a year and that was torture enough, Lena reluctantly pulled one of her hands from soft curls and reached out blindly for the elevator panel pushing all sorts of buttons until she found the emergency stop.

The lift halted with a jolt and Kara pulled away slightly, lips pink, oh so pink and swollen, those eyes so blue and burning so hungry. Lena took a moment, a very long moment or it felt like a long moment, this night had constantly been consisted of moments in slow motion. She watched Kara’s pupils dilating to cover the blue almost fully. It was intoxicating. Hair mussed; eyes wild. The lift darkened as the red lights began to flash slow and spaced out. It was quiet except for the laboured breathing of the two of them Kara just watched Lena. She lunged forward once more taking Kara’s lips between her own, picking up the rhythm they had. Her tongue finding it way into the blonde’s mouth massaging it slowly, Kara let out a whimper against her lips, but she swallowed it. It felt so good to hear her moan against her, she wanted to hear it again, and again _louder_. Lena shoved her hands past Kara’s jacket shoving it over her strong shoulders, her hands began to quiver and shake with the nerves and anticipation of it all. She fumbled with the buttons of Kara’s dress shirt, she wanted skin, hot, _burning_ skin against her own.

_“Rip it”_ Kara all but begged against her lips, her teeth coming to bite down against Lena’s lower lip tugging insistently. She got a goof hold of either side of the garment and tugged with all she could, buttons popping and scattering against the elevator floor with a _plink plink plink._ Finally, Lena splayed her hands against sun kissed skin dragging her nails against the firm muscles that lay there, angry red lines forming in their wake. She flashed her dark eyes up at Kara taking her lip between her teeth and pulling this time as her hands fumbled with her belt, it was clumsy and urgent but she managed ripping the button for her slacks as well and _finally_ shoved her hand inside, finger instantly being met with deliciously sticky wetness, and lots of it. She slipped through Kara’s folds and plunged two fingers inside her, she could handle it, she was soaking. Kara let out a strangled gasp her forehead falling onto Lena’s shoulder her face pressing against the curve of her neck as she whimpered again.

She held still, letting Kara adjust to the sudden fullness of her fingers, her body was drawn tight as a bowstring. Her lips latched onto the curve of her throat where her shoulder meets her neck nibbling and sucking against the skin there, her hips shifting against Lena’s fingers.

_“Lena…please”_ Kara begged against her skin her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. She nodded slowly and pulled her hand back slowly before plunging forward once more, starting a slow and torturous rhythm. Kara cried out each time Lena pushed through her tight walls, each time her voice growing louder and more desperate. Her walls fluttered around her fingers and Lena was panting with her own need, a growing more insistent heartbeat in her own clit, the tugging in her belly. She ignored it, the night was young, and she wanted Kara to feel everything, all that she had held back over the past year that they were apart.

Kara was quivering against her body a light sheen of sweat prickling against her forehead, her cries pitched higher as her peak drew closer. Her hands found their way into her raven hair, knotting themselves into the soft hair there, pulling Lena’s attention to her face their eyes locking. She kissed her again, sloppy and messy. “ _M-more…Lena… I n-need”_ she whispered against her lips her face contorted and her breaths coming out in little whines.

The brunette nodded slowly “I know… I know Kara,” Lena soothed. She stretched her thumb to press against Kara’s clit. It was hard and begging for attention and who was Lena to deny it. She pushed back the small hood and pressed against the stiff bud starting slow circles as she continued to push her fingers through her tightening walls. Faster, she pushed even with the cramp that began to build in her hand from the awkward angle, she pushed deeper, faster against clenching walls. Kara’s fingers tightened in raven hair holding her face just inches from her own, her mouth hanging open as she her peaked reached. Lena pulled her fingers back as far as she could manage, putting her hips behind the thrust as she pushed her fingers deep, dragging roughly against the spongey spot inside. It was enough to push Kara over the edge, the dam broke and she watched as her orgasm took over her body, her jaw fell open further in a soundless scream, and she tightened, her muscles, her inner walls everything as she exploded. Lena watched as Kara struggled through the intensity of it, her eyes fading as they held Lena’s gaze. The brunette watched as her orgasm exploded deep within those baby blues. Kara tried to keep her gaze but soon the intensity was too much and they lulled into the back of her head. A gush of wetness splashed back against Lena’s fingers and wrist.

Kara slumped forward her breath finally escaping her lungs in heavy pants, her fingers loosened from Lena’s hair and fell to her hips. She was pressing kisses to the bruise she had left on her pale skin nuzzling her nose against her it. Lena held her fingers still not willing to pull out just yet, happy to stay inside Kara’s warm heat. She wiggled her fingers just a bit and a rippling shudder ran through the blonde sending a wave of aftershocks through her core. She whined as her hand came to grip Lena’s wrist biting against the bruise. “Sorry, very sensitive, sorry” Lena whispered as she pressed her lips to the side of her jaw that was exposed.

Minutes passed before the waves of pleasure had calmed enough for Lena to extract her fingers, carefully. She brought her fingers to her lips and ran her tongue on the sticky remnants moaning at Kara’s taste. Sweet, with a touch of salt but still oh so addictive. She cleaned her fingers before pulling the zipper up giggling slightly at the state of the now ruined pair of trousers.

“Sorry” She murmured bringing her eyes too meet Kara’s once more. The blonde just shrugged her shoulder’s and gave Lena a lopsided grin. She reached across from her and pressed the emergency stop, the lift resuming its climb to Lena’s penthouse before she turned and placed a sweet kiss to the brunette’s lips. The ding announced that they had arrived, and Kara slid her hands to Lena’s rear once again gripping and lifting her up against her. Lena wrapped her legs around the blonde locking her ankles behind the blonde as she whisked them from the elevator and through the foyer with ease.

Her face was hidden against Kara’s neck as she bit back her moans, she was overly sensitive and had soaked through her panties her thighs practically dripping. Every movement of Kara’s abs against her core sent tormenting shockwaves through her body. She unlocked the door with her personal code, Lena never did have the heart to erase it from the system, but she was surprised Kara still remembered. Her nose brushed against the blonde’s pulse point her breath hot against her skin which sent a shiver through Kara. She maneuvered through the dark apartment with ease making a beeline to the bedroom, and her skin was alight with anticipation.

Kara placed her on the unmade bed, she placed her hands against pale thighs running warm hands along her skin crawling over her like a predator stalking over its meal. She pressed Lena back into the mattress pushing her dress up as she went until it was practically looped around her chest her bra exposed. Kara helped Lena shuck it off and throw it over her shoulder where it landed haphazardly on the floor. Her eyes were bright and hungry in the darkness, more animal than human right now, a strong thigh was slid between Lena’s legs and pressed against her core. Lena yelped as it gave her the pressure she craved, she arched her back off the mattress and she rolled her hips needing more.

Kara took advantage and snapped the clips to Lena’s bra shucking that too over her shoulder, she brought her mouth down to a stiff nipple sucking it between her lips and running her tongue around it slowly before releasing it with a sloppy pop. The cool air sent sparks through Lena’s veins and a gush of heat flooding her lower half, she shifted her hips against Kara’s thigh trying to find even the littlest bit of friction. Kara was having none of it, she was just content on torturing her, licking and sucking at her nipples while her hands explored her body. She wanted more she _needed more_ and she wasn’t ashamed to beg for it.

“ _Kara—please! I need…I need—”_ She whined as she fisted her hands in blonde curls and attempted to push her towards where she needed her tongue the most. But she was unmoving, her eyes flashed in the darkness once again and it made Lena swallow thickly.

“I know what you need Lena.”

And with that the hot, lean body was gone and the cold air nipped at her naked skin. She whined loudly lifting herself up on her elbows trying to track the blonde’s movements. She her rustling and small huffs coming from her closet, she followed the lithe body moving through the darkness once again with much less clothes which sent another shudder through Lena. This time when Kara crawled over her the beautiful skin against her own and mostly naked. Mostly because Lena could feel the soft straps of leather that is tightened snuggly around Kara’s hips, the jutting of silicon that slid itself between her folds. A tight breath was sucked between her lips as she felt her body tightening her legs around those strong hips, her hands cupping Kara’s face. She knew, Kara always knew. How to care for her, how to hold her when she was having a particularly hard day, made sure she wouldn’t fall apart when her mother decided to give her a good tasteful reminder that she would never amount to anything, that she was never worthy of the Luthor name no matter how hard she had tried to make the world a better place with her knowledge, with her brain.

Lillian wanted to tear down the world, where Lena wanted to build it up, protect it. Kara used to say. Would make sure that she didn’t drink herself into a stupor, she made Lena strong. Always had, she was just to stupid to see it, so blinded by her own self doubt. Most of all Kara knew how to make her forget. She knew how to build Lena up, make her squirm and finally, _finally_ when her every nerve ending was frayed, and she was begging for release Kara would give it to her. Swift and hard. Kara always patrolled around with this sunshine and rainbows persona, bubbly and light that she was but there was a beast that lay dormant in her, one that only came out when they were alone, in the small quarters of Lena’s bedroom. It made Lena feel weak, and that was always what she needed. She had to put a brave face on when she was parading around as the L-Corp CEO the ever stone face Luthor her mother had trained her to be, but here… with Kara, she was just Lena. Nothing more than a girl who wanted to be loved fully and taken care of.

Kara knew how to take care of her. Kara was the company to Lena’s misery, in this room buried in expensive sheets, with their clothes littering the floor. Her _compulsive indulgence, her drug of choice._ She swore she would never let Kara into her bed again, never let her into her _heart_. But she had been a fool, Kara had never left her heart, and Lena was beginning to see that she had never left Kara’s because together they were **_Home._**

Lena could feel the tears prickling in her eyes, her hand reaching for Kara’s face as she traced the lines of her brows, the small furrow of worry that lay there. She brought their lips together, trying to push all she had, all she kept locked away in her heart free and into the kiss.

Kara moaned against Lena’s lips, and spent no more time driving Lena crazy, she lined up her hips and pushed into Lena. The blonde moved slowly making sure she wouldn’t hurt Lena, but not fast enough. Lena whined fisting her hands in blonde hair tugging impatiently while tightening her thighs around strong hips. She dug her heels into Kara’s rear trying to spur her on. She took the hint and snapped her hips forward sinking the rest of the way. She could feel the seat of the harness press against her clit and it was glorious. She was full—oh so deliciously full. Kara’s weight was pressing her into the mattress, not smothering her, but it was just enough to be comforting. The blonde held her weight on her forearms braced by Lena’s head, those molten blue eyes just staring at her. 

The blood was rushing to her head making her dizzy. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, it was so loud she was sure Kara could hear it. 

“I love you Kara.” 

_We're making love out of focus._

_You'll always be my white rabbit_

_My favorite bad habit_

The words bubbled up her throat and out of her mouth before her brain could comprehend what her lips were saying. Lena should have been horrified, should gave felt idiotic, but she didn’t. It felt right at this moment, right here, right now with her and Kara sharing the same air, connected as they were. She could tell that the words affected Kara deeply, tears swam in her eyes and her lip trembled. 

Kara buried her face against Lena’s pale neck, her fingers making their way along her sides, tracing every dip of Lena’s ribs. Her fingers left tracks of fire in their wake as they continued their path along the brunettes skin. Fingernails dragged delicately against her shoulders—almost a ghost of a touch— until Kara’s fingers wrapped around her elbow and tugged her hands from where her fingers had been tangled in blonde curls. Lena released her hold and let her arms fall above her head, her hands were quickly filled with Kara’s, their fingers laced tightly. 

With her hands pinned above her head and Kara’s body flush against her, filled to the top in the best way—she felt _whole_. 

Before she could take a steadying breath Kara gripped against her hands and pulled her hips back, only to snap them forward quickly. Lena cried out as she felt the painful emptiness and then the blissful fullness. Kara kept the rhythm slow, she made sure Lena felt every movement, every stroke—everything she had been denying herself for so long. 

Even with the measured thrusts Lena was climbing, brought closer and closer to release— so out of her control. Her nails dug into sun kissed hands as her back arched pushing into Kara’s front, their breasts brushing with every thrust. Kara’s face was still hidden against her neck, Lena could feel her teeth scrape against her throat every so often nipping the skin creating new bruises she would admire later. Lena was so close, she was right on the cusp and she needed release more than she needed anything in her life. 

Kara was shaking above her, the muscles in her back constricting and expanding as she pushed passed Lena’s constricting walls. Kara was close as well, Lena could feel it—the way her breaths puffed against Lena’s throat, her grip on her pale hands, how her hips faltered. The harness was hitting Kara’s clit just right with every pass. 

“Kara _please, more_ ” Lena begged, her voice hoarse. 

Kara nodded against her neck her hands gripping tighter against Lena’s, pushing her hands back into the mattress as her hips picked up a brutal pace. It was perfect. The breath caught in her throat, overwhelmed by the sudden force that was Kara. The snap of her hips filled the quiet room, Lena’s thighs tightened around Kara’s hips as the muscles in her body were strung taut. Her orgasm came rushing over her and shocked her system in the best way, her hands gripped Kara’s and the sound that left her lips shook her, not hearing something of that caliber leave her lips in a long time. Her body was an explosion of bliss, the marrow in her bones had melted to molten and rushed through her bones. Every nerve in her body had been set on fire, all too overwhelming but just right at the same time. Lena’s eyes squeezed tightly as colours bloomed behind her lids. Her walls constricted around the silicone, her release flooded against it and splashed back against Kara and the seat of the harness. 

Kara was quivering above her, her own muscles tight against Lena her own orgasm flowing through her. Lena fell back against the bed, her body felt like jelly as the breath left her lungs in harsh breaths. The blonde fell against Lena, her own breaths coming out heavy against pale skin. The two lay together tangled in each other's limbs for what felt like hours—maybe it was hours—but it didn’t matter Kara’s weight was comforting, she felt safe. Safer than she’s felt in a while. Kara gave the brunette’s hands a quick squeeze before letting go, beginning to lift herself off Lena. She shucked the harness off her hips tossing it on the floor before wrapping her arms around Lena and pulling her back against her front and burying her face against raven hair. 

Lena turned around in Karas arms so she could face her, she brought her hand to Kara’s cheek tracing her features with such softness, her green eyes memorizing those beautiful features making sure she could never forget those ocean eyes, her beautiful pink lips, plump and kissable. Her thumb stroked over that cute little furrow between Kara’s brows that usually appeared when she was overthinking something, or worrying. Kara opened her mouth as if to speak, her jaw working before she shut it slowly, she pulled her lip between her teeth worrying the supple skin of her lower lip. Kara wanted to say something, she was going through it over and over in her brain, she was piecing together what she wanted to say. 

“I love you too,” Kara whispered so softly Lena almost didn't hear her. 

Lena’s chest ached as Kara spoke the words, those four little words _I love you too_. Those words that she had always wanted to hear but, those same words that scared her utterly, to her core. All she ever wanted was for Kara to love her, to be loved by her—and she Loved Kara—she loved her more than anything she had ever loved in her life. (And the list of things she _did_ love wasn't a very long list to begin with). All of their history had led up to this moment, all the pain and the stupidity—mostly on Lena’s part—all summed up to this particular fragment in time. Everything was almost perfect. Almost. The future was so uncertain 

Lena didn't want to think about that right now, she needed to stop her brain from trying to overthink and overanalyze everything. She needed to live in this moment—right now she had everything and tomorrow be damned—even if it all fell apart in front of her. Lena leaned up on her elbow, shifting her body so she was resting her body half on top of Kara’s, her fingers tracing lines over her lips and her cheeks. 

“I have loved you since that night in Metropolis. I love you Kara Danvers.” Lena said it. Out loud. They felt so right. 

Lena brought her lips to Kara’s, kissed her tenderly as her thumb brushed the tears escaping from those blue eyes. Kara’s lips trembled as she kissed Lena. Her own hand slipped to cup Lena’s chin holding her in place. 

The kiss was sweet and wet with their mingled tears, but it grew heated quickly. Lena crawled on top of Kara, straddling her hips her knees pressing into the mattress. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist as she raised herself from the bed, her arms tight around Lena as if she were to let go and the brunette would vanish, evaporate into thin air and disappear forever. Their chests pressed flush together, skin a light with a fire so hot it rivaled the sun's surface, lips swollen and red as their passion flowed through the kiss they shared. Lena pressed her palm against Kara’s sternum pulling her lips away as her lunges begged for air, her emerald eyes were so dark. Desire pooled in them, hot and molten like waves of lava melting the hard shards of jade that usually made up Lena’s gaze. There was hunger there, deep and powerful and waiting to be unleashed. Lena pushed against Kara’s chest lowering her back down onto the mattress, her body following the movement, laying on top of that body of steel. 

The night was young and Lena was determined to make it count in as many ways—and positions—as possible. 

**_♕ Let's go down the rabbit hole. Dirty pretty things and all ♕_ **

_I said never again._

_But here you are in my bed_

Morning came faster than either of the two anticipated—fighting sleep as long as they could—spending most of the night filling the quiet room with whispers and conversations they missed out on. When they weren’t giggling and gazing upon each other with love in their eyes, they were reacquainting themselves in a much more intimate way. 

Lena was deliciously sore and aching in all the right places—an ache she knew that would last for days to come, and she was definitely okay with that. There was a warm solid body pressed against her back, a strong arm draped around her middle, palm splayed against her tummy. The sheets were kicked to the bottom of the bed, the heat from Kara’s body was enough to keep her warm along with the heat from the sun filtering through the large windows. 

Lena skimmed the tips of her toes down the stretch of Kara’s calf as she lifted her arms above her head. The bones in her shoulders popped wonderfully a happy sigh leaving her lips. Kara grumbled behind her, her arm tightening around Lena’s middle her lips nuzzling into her shoulder blade. “You and your old bones—it’s too early in the morning for popping limbs” 

Lena giggled and twisted her head around skimming her lips against the blonde’s forehead. “I’m sorry darling.” 

They spent the rest of the morning and into the afternoon in bed just being as close to each other as they could possibly get, as if they pulled away and lost that skin to skin contact they would just fall apart. They were encapsulated in this bubble, all the hurt and the damage did not exist, the world that had been shifted on its axis was righted once more. But like any bubble even blown from the sweetest of lips, was bound to burst. Like a balloon flying through the sky, lifting far too high in the stratosphere the ‘ _POP’_ was inevitable. Even with all the _happiness—utterly intoxicating happiness_ —the two felt being reunited with one another, even with everything feeling like it was perfect once again, it wasn't. It couldn't change the past, it couldn’t take away the hurt or the agony. And here they were now having to deal with that aftermath. 

Awkward silence filled the large space of Lena’s bedroom, an anxious unsettled feeling seeping into their bones, slipping around them both. Kara roamed around the room picking up her discarded clothes from the night before. Lena slid to the end of the bed wrapped in the silk sheets, her fists clenched so tightly around the material she feared it might rip. She could feel the tension building, wrapping around their bones and strangling them slowly. Kara was puttering around the room solemnly tugging on the parts of her clothing with a molasses slowness. Kara plopped herself down on the end of the bed opposite Lena, her hands braced on her thighs Kara’s shoulders hunched. They sat facing away from one another—Kara faced towards the large windows of the room gazing out across the expanse of the highrise buildings—the moment had come, and they needed to lay all their cards on the table. This was the final hand.

“Where do we go from here Kara?” Lena’s voice was barely a croak, and even then it felt too loud in the still silence. 

Lena could hear Kara take in a deep breath, hold it—one second, two seconds, four—finally exhaling. “This doesn’t fix everything… Even though—” a small sob left Kara’s lips “Even if it felt like we could go back Lena, even if we could pretend like nothing happened and just pick up where we left off— We _Can’t_.” Another agonizing sob left Kara’s lips. “You left me so _broken_. I still haven’t been able to fit all the pieces back together.” 

And there it was, what Lena had been dreading the most about this whole entire encounter. Yes, everything felt right at that moment, with the alcohol dulling their senses and quieting their inner voices. When the passion took hold and they allowed their hearts to act out the way they truly wanted to. Lena hadn’t had a chance to think, but then again she hadn’t wanted to. She meant it when she told herself that she would jump and she meant it. She had jumped head first into a dumpster fire so big there was no containing it. 

But when reality came crashing back down on them, when the past came rushing in like the suddenness of a thunderstorm trying to relieve the earth of the sweltering summer heat and casting the two in absolute darkness—what was left? 

Pain. Heartbreak. Devastation. 

Lena could feel it seeping into her core, the air was becoming harder to take into her lungs now. Her eyes were fixed on a particular knot in the grain of the dark mahogany hardwood floor near her feet. She had tried to use the spot to ground herself, but she began to lose focus of it. The world around her blurred as large droplets of tears began to pool in her eyes. 

_She Deserved This._

_She_ _Deserved This Pain._

_She Deserved The Heartbreak._

_Luthors Don’t Get Happy Endings._

Those words bounced around her head with splitting accuracy, the blood was pounding in her ears so hard she could barely make out the sound of Kara rising from the spot she had been on the mattress. She felt the shift in the mattress more than anything, that was the only tell that Kara had moved. Lena couldn’t move though. She was frozen, rooted to where she sat, fists still clenched in silk. Her hands trembled now. Her whole frame shaking with the will to hold herself together. Lena closed her eyes for a moment. 

Lena waited. Waited to hear Kara leave. Kara didn’t need to see her fall apart. Didn’t need to feel guilty. Once Kara was gone then—then she could fall apart. 

When Lena opened her eyes she expected to be alone, but blue eyes filled her blurry vision. Sincere, kind, gentle ocean blue eyes. Lena choked on a sob as she stared into Kara’s open, sweet, beautiful face. How could she _Look_ at Lena that way? How could she stand to even be in the same room? Kara pressed her lips to the side of Lena’s temple before snaking her arms around her trembling shoulders pulling her into an all-encompassing hug. 

Everything was just too much. It was all too confusing. Kara said they couldn’t go back, which was true. She was right. They couldn’t erase the past. But where did that leave them now. They loved each other, and not just, “ _I will always have a place in my heart for you, but I’ve moved on”_ sort of love. No. Lena knew that wasn’t the case here. She saw the way Kara looked at her all night, the way Kara touched her, held her. That wasn’t how you acted if you didn’t love someone. This wasn’t just an encounter for closure.

Kara mumbled into Lena’s temple, “I still love you.” 

Lena shattered. Those words broke her. The sound that left her lips in that moment was filled with a twisted anguish. Her body shook violently as she cried. _Really cried._ Like awful, snot inducing, ugly cry.

Kara held her through it. Held her tight. Curled Lena up into a little tiny ball and embraced her like the fragile being she was. When the sobs turned to hiccups, and her breathing started to return to normal Kara tucked a finger under Lena’s chin and brought her face so their eyes could meet once more. 

“We can’t go back.” Kara said sadly. Lena gazed into Kara’s eyes, memorizing them, committing to memory, each fleck of gold and soft green that lay hidden. Lena wasn’t ready. Lena wasn’t willing to let Kara go, but she was preparing herself for it anyway. She waited for the second wave of agony, waited for Kara to let her down easy—much easier than she had let her down those two or so years ago, but Kara was so much better than she was. 

Kara brushed their lips together softly, mumbling her words against them, “But we can start over.” 

_Let's go down the rabbit hole_

_Steal a kiss and in we fall_

_Let's go down the rabbit hole_

_Dirty pretty things and all_

_My favorite bad habit_

I Like Making friends -->[My Tumblr](https://hiswonderwomanhersuperman.tumblr.com/)


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